Should I Contact My Sons Father?
Recently I was talking to a very good friend and he told me that his Dad left him and his brother when he was young. His father was in the hospital and requested to see him, he refused to go, his Dad passed away before his 18th birthday…now he regrets it and has many unanswered questions, he wishes someone MADE him go.
My son hasn’t seen his Dad in years. I have his contact info and we are on good terms, I know his Dad would see him if I made the arrangements. His Dad paid child support through the years and attended to all his medical and financial needs. He got married when my son was two and his wife wouldn’t let him see my son. His terms were he would visit him but behind her back…I refused to sneak around…I felt we have nothing to be ashamed of and he should be a man and stand up for himself….anyway my son turned out to be a wonderful young man. I asked if he wants to see his Dad and he says no, he’s nothing to me…can’t miss what I never had.
Should I encourage him to?
no, i grew up with out a dad. it is true…can’t miss something you never had. even if he is an adult now his father should be the one to reach out to him……not the other way around.
You can’t force your son to do something if he doesn’t want to do. In his eyes, he probably sees it as if he meant that much to his dad, Dad would have tried harder. Kudos to him for being strong.
Just make sure he knows that if he ever changes his mind, you could make it possible to see him.
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no, i grew up with out a dad. it is true…can’t miss something you never had. even if he is an adult now his father should be the one to reach out to him……not the other way around.
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No.
Your son’s father is and was an adult when all of this started. If he had wanted to establish and maintain contact with your son, he could have chosen to do so instead of allowing his wife to "forbid" it.
You son’s father made a choice, and has continued to make that choice.
It’s your son’s turn to choose.
My son is 17, and is in much the same situation. He also has no interest in meeting the man who "made" him, and then chose to not have a relationship with him for the past 17+ years. I will never (ever) encourage him to contact his biological father. I agree with your son – can’t miss what you never had.
My 19-year-old daughter contacted him last year, only to have her heart broken. He spoke to her twice, promised to call and/or visit, and simply stopped taking her calls after the second conversation.
I’m a firm beleiver that people don’t change. You son’s father made his choice. Now let your son make his.
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