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I’ll try again. Do you like my story?

Last night I posted a question about a story I wrote. I pasted a chapter but I was getting slaughtered because people kept saying it was like "Twilight", which makes me sick. So I’m going to try again without posting anything I’ve written. Tell me if you like this story idea :)

A teenage girl (around seventeen) goes to her first English class of the year to have to sit next to the new guy, who no one really knows. He stares at her and when she asks him why he says ‘You just look like someone I know…or knew". The next day, the girl goes to class and at the end, she has a seizure and ends up in hospital. The doctors can’t figure out why she had the seizure but then the boy goes by the hospital and tells her that she is an old soul who used to live in an ancient city carrying out medical miracles and often suffered from seizures due to contacting spirits. The boy knew this because he was also an old soul who lived in that city and before she fell into some kind of coma, he was going to her for help. After she is released from hospital about a month later, the boy takes her away to the place where the ancient city once was and they try to discover what happened to her by going through the ruins of the city.

Please let me know if you like my story idea and please, don’t mention Twilight :)
Yeah, I know it’s not much detail, it’s just the rough story idea.
Basically, an ‘old soul’ is kind of an aspect of reincarnation. As you probably know, reincarnation is basically the idea that when you die, you come back as something or someone else. However, in this story, rather than coming back as someone else, the girl came back as her old self, but without any knowledge of who she was before or what happened to her.

I like it. For many centuries in many places around the world, seizures were seen as a gift of the gods, a special ability to be a healer or get messages from the spirit world. They were not seen as a disease. Even in the Bible, everyone was very impressed when King Saul developed seizures, which was seen as a way of becoming a prophet. Saul was very sad when he stopped having them, and the Spirit left him. Young children who have seizures often like having them, and stare at lights or otherwise induce them. I think the idea of the seizures as being a way of discovering her true self.

So where would these ruins be in the world? Part of the story could be how they get there (possibly with police and parents chasing them), especially if they had to cross national boundaries to get there. Central America would be cool. The story premise has a lot of potential. The development of the two main characters would be what makes it a compelling read. Hey, for a plot twist, what if as they reawaken more past life memories through studying the ruins of the city, they discover they were actually enemies or rivals or something?

This entry was posted on Saturday, June 19th, 2010 at 10:42 am and is filed under medical city contact. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

13 Responses to “I’ll try again. Do you like my story?”

  1. …………. im not into the magical stuff
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  2. I’ve never seen twilight. Anyways, it…it has potential. It needs some sprucing up. I had to re-read it because I found it confusing at first. You need to elaborate and add more detail,description and desciptive words. Like it’s so much information shoved into one paragraph. So if you spread it out and make it more descriptive and add more to the opening plot and explain more in depth about being an "old soul" might turn out nice.
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  3. Kind of reminds me of Twilight…Just kidding! I’ve never read/watched Twilight, nor will I ever.
    But yeah. Seems like a good plot, and creative, too! The way you laid out the story seems as if it will be really suspenseful, which is good! You should get it published! Then it will be the next big hit, and you and I won’t have to hear about Twilight anymore!
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  4. I love your story idea! at first it sounded like that book (i wont mention it!!), but then it drastically changed!!! I think it’s a great idea!!
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  5. I’m not into fantasy, but this seems OK. The thing with the seizures could be interesting because of a lot of real oracles did experience seizures or go into trances when "communicating" with the spirits. You might research, for instance, the Oracle of Delphi in Greece, who apparently had seizures and went into trances due to natural gases in volcanoes. Be aware, though, that a premise, however interesting, isn’t a story–there still has to be a plot with a climax. So while the premise of an "old soul" is kind of fascinating, don’t spend the course of the novel/book/story merely outlining the rules or traits of your fantasy creatures. Make sure there is a story there.
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  6. I like it. For many centuries in many places around the world, seizures were seen as a gift of the gods, a special ability to be a healer or get messages from the spirit world. They were not seen as a disease. Even in the Bible, everyone was very impressed when King Saul developed seizures, which was seen as a way of becoming a prophet. Saul was very sad when he stopped having them, and the Spirit left him. Young children who have seizures often like having them, and stare at lights or otherwise induce them. I think the idea of the seizures as being a way of discovering her true self.

    So where would these ruins be in the world? Part of the story could be how they get there (possibly with police and parents chasing them), especially if they had to cross national boundaries to get there. Central America would be cool. The story premise has a lot of potential. The development of the two main characters would be what makes it a compelling read. Hey, for a plot twist, what if as they reawaken more past life memories through studying the ruins of the city, they discover they were actually enemies or rivals or something?
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  7. I like the idea, it sounds pretty good. I would read it.
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  8. For some reason when I read it I couldn’t help but think of that Will Smith movie called Hancock (hey, at least it’s not Twilight ;) ) If you haven’t seen it you should and determine whether you feel that way yourself.

    I think it has a lot of potential, but as other people mentioned, it needs to be spruced up a bit. I was also left with questions: Why doesn’t she remember and he does? What makes one an "Old Soul"–reincarnation, long life, etc? Maybe this will be revealed later, I’m not sure. Why does she suffer in class when she wasn’t contacting spirits? Maybe the seizure should happen in a sleepover setting when she and some friends are trying to perform a seance? That would be a bit more interesting, in my humble opinion :)

    You should definitely continue it though, like I said I think it has a lot of potential!
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  9. ƜƐƪʂֺҺ аֺѣ ♥ ｡(◕‿◕)｡ on June 19th, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    This doesn’t remind me of Twi.. sorry, the thing which must not be mentioned… at all. So she’s a new girl and sits next to a boy in class? I’ve read hundreds of books where that happens!!

    *deep breaths*
    I loved it!! It sounds really interesting and the kind of thing I am into.

    But one tiny little idea, her having a seizure on her second day is a little too soon in my opinion, so maybe spread it out a bit. =)

    Good luck!
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  10. THAT SOUNDS TOTALLY AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I see no relationship with a certain T word book. :) Good luck!!!!
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  11. I love it your imagination is unbaleavable I wish could think of that but I most definatly would change the beginning. Like I had a new job I moved to a new home a new state and now this guy is every share I look in all my classes in same job everything exept the same genger he is the most hottest guy I have Sean and now he is telling me I have an old soul. I love to be leave him but I can’t put my mined to it. But I will talk to him and learn more I love him and even more I love his looks he Is my mate my latest hope to find what I have wrong to find out the truth……

    I can help you more from my email. Az4mecbh@hotmail.com. Or az4me@yahoo.com
    My name is Casey Hansen I am 12i would love to give you more Ideas and contact me for more info on the book!
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  12. It doesn’t sound like the type of book I would intentionally pick up and read, but I think it sounds like a good plot. Maybe spread it out some so too much doesnt happen at once. That way you can make the unrealistic sound more realistic. Hope that makes sense
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  13. Try http://www.storyjoin.com It allows you to collaborate with other members and write stories together.
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