Would you maintain contact with your neighbor after she has done this to you?
OK, I have a neighbor who is chronically sick, she’s going blind, has fibra myalgia (although she seems to be able to get out of bed pretty quickly, even while complaining of a lot of pain). I know she has some medical condition, and through experience I’ve found she’s a bit manipulative. She sometimes would ask me to get her stuff at the grocery store, with the understanding that she’d pay me back.
She calls me fairly often, so when she called and asked to have two separate receipts (one for her stuff and one for mine), I was annoyed and told her no. I wasn’t rude or anything. (I get frozen stuff that has to be home as soon as possible, or it can’t be refrozen, and the extra few minutes could make a difference). About a day later I asked her if she could pay me for the groceries I’d recently bought her, about $20 worth. I kept the receipts but she almost never asked to see them, and she only paid me AFTER I provided the groceries, so she knew she owed me money. I never charged her more than I paid, not a cent more. Probably brought her foodstuffs about 6-8 times before this happened, and we trusted each other. This time, she flat out refused to pay me, and tried to claim she’d already paid me (which she knew was not true, see above). $20 is signficant because I have very little money.
About 3 months has passed, I’ve talked with her, and she still claims she’s already paid me. We’ve only known each other 8 months or so, it’s possible she thinks I overcharged her or something.
I feel sorry for her because she is ill, and going blind, and has to support a young boy pretty much on her own. I might buy groceries for her, if she pays right at the time they are handed over – or in advance. That feels wrong in some ways – but I’m spiritual too, and aren’t we supposed to practice forgiveness?
Although, maybe she needs to learn a lesson, that she can’t treat people this way. I have seen her treat others poorly. What should I do?
I think that your willingness to continue to help her is good, and that you need to state she must pay up front. Doing that is not to ‘teach her a lesson" but because that way protects you from being ripped off.
Unlike someone who breaks a leg and has everyone sign their cast, people with chronic illness become very isolated. They do have good days, but when that happens they are not ‘faking’ it. Chronic illness does cause, inadvertently, ‘compassion fatigue’ in the very people who help them because they will never get better.
Most people want reciprocal relationships. This one probably will not be. It is up to you. The more isolated she becomes, the more ‘poorly’ she will treat others because she feels misunderstood and probably self-pity. I think getting others involved, some kind of community support, is pretty important for her, and for you, and for the little boy.
Check ya self befor eya wreck yahself ugly.
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You might want to distance yourself a little. But don’t be mean to her. Ask other neighbors too, see if they will help her too.
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dude i wish my neighbour was going blind or i wish she was dead
why arent you happy? neighbours suck
the sooner you get rid of them, the better
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Good saying:
"Fool me once; shame on you.
Fool me twice; same on ME."
Many grocery stores deliver now; tell her to give them a call.
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http://shop.safeway.com/superstore/default.asp?brandid=1&page=corphome
Some groceries provide online shopping…. Perhaps you can assist her with shopping online, have her pay for her groceries via credit/debit at the computer, and pick up her groceries for her.
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Get her to make other arrangements for her groceries
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Pray for her and for guidance, knowledge and strength. So that should help you with being strong enough to not let her take advantage of you anymore. God BLess!
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i would maintain contact with her, and forgive her, but i wouldnt get groceries or do anything else for her that involves your cash, plain and simple. if she asks, give her an excuse, she will get the point. offer to do housework or lawn care for free instead. just an idea.
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It doesn’t take that long to seperate groceries, your food won’t thaw out. But now you know to get seperate receipts. Or just don’t do buy groceries for her again.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to be stupid. It’s not your place to teach her a lesson, just learn your own lessons.
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Appears like you are being played for a sucker. She cannot do this to you without your permission – so why do you let her take advantage of you for? You either, have to lay down some solid ground rules or sever the relationship. Look at it this way, it very well may be worth the $ 20 to get rid of her. Your move, now !
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Either tell her it’s time for her to have a professional carer/shopper (for which she will have to pay dearly) or, if you are feeling kind and generous to her, tell her you will get her shopping but MUST have the payment before you leave her house to get it. This is perfectly normal practice. She cannot expect you to have enough money to give at the checkout for your own shopping and hers.
I would advise that you DO ask for separate receipts though. Put her groceries through first and have a receipt for those and then put your own through. It will only take seconds longer than having them all on one list. Also, I’d suggest that you write down what it is she asks for and then compare that list with the checkout receipt when you take them back to her.
She is fortunate indeed to have someone do this for her without adding an amount on for your time and the cost of running your car. She is taking advantage of you just as many others do of those who are willing to help out in times of need. Be very wary. If she ever tries something similar again you might have to withdraw your help before it makes you feel really bitter towards her.
Having read the other answers I agree that online shopping or having goods delivered would both work well because she would have to pay in advance either way, leaving your money for your groceries.
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I know the type of person your talking about I’ve met one or two in my life
they like to manipulate nice people like you and this will happen again and again and at the end she will go as far as calling the police on you for stealing from her trust me
don’t do any more for her you’ve done your bit no one will think less of you
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Is anyone ever honest anymore? You need to be honest and tell her you simply don’t think she paid you so you will need her to give you the money before you go. She needs to be honest or at least accept she may be wrong.
1. She is probably wrong but then again she may not believe so or now feels unable to admit it.
2. Your frozen food will be fine if you make separate receipts. It doesn’t take any longer since everything still has to be rung and bagged. Your talking about an extra 15-30 seconds here for the extra actual payment and you can always get one of those flexible coolers as a reusable shopping bag to keep things cool. Even brown paper bags do a good job.
3. Ask her for the money up front and return her change with the receipt. She may need the receipt for other reasons as well and people get receipts for a reason.
4. If it costs you a little something, then take it out of what you give at Church. that is what God would prefer if you left the decision to Him.
If you are a Christian, stop expecting the rest of the world to be equally minded. That does not mean you can’t have boundaries or expect respect. Just be honest and say you are willing to help but this is how its going to go. Even priests do that. No one expects you to be a fool or spineless.
Now ignore the atheists and remember acting like a Christian and being one are two different things. No one said it was going to be easy and relationships take time to develop into something meaningful.
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I think that your willingness to continue to help her is good, and that you need to state she must pay up front. Doing that is not to ‘teach her a lesson" but because that way protects you from being ripped off.
Unlike someone who breaks a leg and has everyone sign their cast, people with chronic illness become very isolated. They do have good days, but when that happens they are not ‘faking’ it. Chronic illness does cause, inadvertently, ‘compassion fatigue’ in the very people who help them because they will never get better.
Most people want reciprocal relationships. This one probably will not be. It is up to you. The more isolated she becomes, the more ‘poorly’ she will treat others because she feels misunderstood and probably self-pity. I think getting others involved, some kind of community support, is pretty important for her, and for you, and for the little boy.
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